Unveiling Emanation

I gave my all entertaining the rough patches of this course just to lose everything. Miserable me being with someone who is half-baked about me, half-in? half-out?

Find somebody who wants me as much as I want him. Anything short of fiercly definite is a waste of time. Easier said than done.

Sometimes, I just have to try not to care no matter how much I do rather than to admit it's killing me. I can mean nothing to someone who means everything to me. It's not pride, it's called self respect.

Missing the person whom I used to laugh with, whom I turned to, whom sprinkled me with importance. Doubts springing..

• He likes me enough to take it up a certain level, but not enough to actually profess a formal romantic relationship. It's hard to pretend that I don't mind. I still don't have a counterpart.
• He likes the flirting and the attention, but he wouldn't want to be tied up. It's a painful fact that happens all the time.
• He fools around that he won't risk exposing his true feelings. I am sufficiently wounded to discern.
• He is connecting deeply to see who I am, but adequately shallow to back out. Letting me feel that excrutiating pain I don't deserve.
• He casted magical spells on me which lead me to this devastating agitation, yet I got my heart back from him. I am wallowing in a pit of unrequited love.
• He pursued me, and yet branded me as desperate. Society is really harsh. I never stopped loving him, I just stopped showing it.
• He has somebody else, and I am not that somebody. Your loss, my hurt. It's better if he didn't recognized my existence than giving me no worth.
• He was considered extra special, but I am taken for granted. It's like he think I won't ever change, failing to realize that like everyone else I get queasy and tired.
• He has gotten cold with me, he has changed his mind. I am still love sick, buried deep down with this emotion.
• He let the axe fall with the other girls, including me. Cruel, but happens more often than I think. Goodbye to my broken heart.
• He handled anyone with tender loving care, mending anything broken. Unfortunately I am left unattended, and untreated.
• He disected my personality much closer, yet the attraction demised naturally. Post-mortem care not rendered. I am fragile.
• He gave false hope when I need to know. So much of it, but this is the only way to take all the guesswork out of the equation. Candid honesty please.
• He can always tell lies. Believing every word he blasts, will I know? Face the mirror wearing your conscience.
• He left me hanging and moves as if nothing had come to pass. Sensitivity and trust issues arise from the apex of my heart.
• He neglected my effort to keep in touch. It's not all the time I can hold on, I can wear off anytime.
• He protected his brain with barrier to prevent the aliens from zapping it to dislike all other female earthlings alive. So I presume I am included in his "all female earthling like list."
• He sets off corny punchlines to make me smile. Deep within I lament. Yes I do, I cannot mask what I feel inside.
• He made me feel special, but not anymore. Now I am yearning.
• He downpoured me with time and attention, and it rapidly vanished like a thunder strike. Analogous to him flushing me away.
• He showed kindness, but he might have other agenda. Everything has limitations, cannot torture myself that long, eventually I might disappear.

08/27/2009 1600