Unveiling Emanation

I gave my all entertaining the rough patches of this course just to lose everything. Miserable me being with someone who is half-baked about me, half-in? half-out?

Find somebody who wants me as much as I want him. Anything short of fiercly definite is a waste of time. Easier said than done.

Sometimes, I just have to try not to care no matter how much I do rather than to admit it's killing me. I can mean nothing to someone who means everything to me. It's not pride, it's called self respect.

Missing the person whom I used to laugh with, whom I turned to, whom sprinkled me with importance. Doubts springing..

• He likes me enough to take it up a certain level, but not enough to actually profess a formal romantic relationship. It's hard to pretend that I don't mind. I still don't have a counterpart.
• He likes the flirting and the attention, but he wouldn't want to be tied up. It's a painful fact that happens all the time.
• He fools around that he won't risk exposing his true feelings. I am sufficiently wounded to discern.
• He is connecting deeply to see who I am, but adequately shallow to back out. Letting me feel that excrutiating pain I don't deserve.
• He casted magical spells on me which lead me to this devastating agitation, yet I got my heart back from him. I am wallowing in a pit of unrequited love.
• He pursued me, and yet branded me as desperate. Society is really harsh. I never stopped loving him, I just stopped showing it.
• He has somebody else, and I am not that somebody. Your loss, my hurt. It's better if he didn't recognized my existence than giving me no worth.
• He was considered extra special, but I am taken for granted. It's like he think I won't ever change, failing to realize that like everyone else I get queasy and tired.
• He has gotten cold with me, he has changed his mind. I am still love sick, buried deep down with this emotion.
• He let the axe fall with the other girls, including me. Cruel, but happens more often than I think. Goodbye to my broken heart.
• He handled anyone with tender loving care, mending anything broken. Unfortunately I am left unattended, and untreated.
• He disected my personality much closer, yet the attraction demised naturally. Post-mortem care not rendered. I am fragile.
• He gave false hope when I need to know. So much of it, but this is the only way to take all the guesswork out of the equation. Candid honesty please.
• He can always tell lies. Believing every word he blasts, will I know? Face the mirror wearing your conscience.
• He left me hanging and moves as if nothing had come to pass. Sensitivity and trust issues arise from the apex of my heart.
• He neglected my effort to keep in touch. It's not all the time I can hold on, I can wear off anytime.
• He protected his brain with barrier to prevent the aliens from zapping it to dislike all other female earthlings alive. So I presume I am included in his "all female earthling like list."
• He sets off corny punchlines to make me smile. Deep within I lament. Yes I do, I cannot mask what I feel inside.
• He made me feel special, but not anymore. Now I am yearning.
• He downpoured me with time and attention, and it rapidly vanished like a thunder strike. Analogous to him flushing me away.
• He showed kindness, but he might have other agenda. Everything has limitations, cannot torture myself that long, eventually I might disappear.

08/27/2009 1600

Simple Lessons in Life

CORALINE

Be contented.

Appreciate minute things.

Love your parents rather than hating them.

Give importance to whatever you have.

Don't wait until you lose them all.

End product is regret.

You cannot have everything you want.

Live life to the fullest.

Simplicity is happiness.

Greed is a misery.

What is done is done.

No rewinds.

Change bad to goodies.

UP- Disney, Pixar

Promises aren't made to be broken.

Dreams are to be fulfilled no matter what.

Explore new ways.

Be a wilderness explorer.

Don't underestimate anyone.

Value your loved ones.

Establish trust and be loyal.

Make them happy.

Nothing is permanent in this world.

Journeys change.

Accept others.

Help.

08/25/2009 1146

To The One Who Made My Eulogy

On my necrological service...

Someone I value gave me a eulogy: "Gly was a masochist, and she liked it. She knew what was coming to her but she didn't heed the signs. Now that she's raodkilled, let's hope it was in ecstacy." (08/08/2009 1825)

Now, this one is for you..

"When we share wee breaks and puffs it's a good time. When we share laughters that's twice the fun. When we share problems that's half the pain. When we share resentments it gives voice to our sentiments. When we share tears we lessen our sorrows. When we share idleness it's where our souls rest. When we share secrets it's what our heart reveals. What draws us closer and make us care for each other is not what we have but what we share."

Time doesn't really matter at all. Whirlwhind connection eh..

"Thank you.." Still find my words empty?

08/16/2009 1644

The Future Cardiologist

Actually I don't care who he is too, I just want to check out who wrote that ooooh so refined penmanship. I really kept in mind the name of its owner. I pried so I'm aware who he is.

Whenever I see this guy in our workplace there is a wall of hindrances slapping me, I don't even know if he'll smile back or he'll just hurt my charming factor. But I did still try my luck to at least greet this not so amicable guy as a sign of respect since I already noticed him.

I find him mysterious, my intuition knows that there is something with this guy. Why would someone with tribal stuffs be so silent? That's way too impossible.

To my surprise, he added my facebook. How come he knew me!? I didn't even introduced myself to him, we barely talk too. Hmmmmm...I don't know! Nothing to encript! The rest is a history.

We became friends, shared lots of similar things and gained each other's trust in a swift. I wasn't wrong at all, there is so much to know about this guy, definitely not the boring one, the eccentric one, and the insensitive one that he always brags about. People just don't know how to appreciate the real him.

To have this connection and closeness with him, I never presumed this to happen. Maybe he was sent by God, for whatever purposes it might be.

Thank you for staying abreast, for understanding me, for hearing me out.....for everything....

08/05/2009 2225

Failing to Hit

To spend time searching for that missing piece in our lives that we think can make us complete does not mean it will be a perfect fit. No matter how we move heaven and earth we can never know.

They say that you don't seek for it. We neglect other's effort just to hold on to that person we like. Staying with someone you love even if you know it's better letting go is like standing under the rain, it feels good but you know it's going to make you sick.

Their irrational self-centered act grant them the key to hold on. Loss treasure, destiny permits them to do their part, it's not always about them. Chances are rarely given as waiting till doomsday is outrageous.

Out of the ordinary, it's not what you say or do that really matters, it's what you don't. Hearing nonsense declarations deserves no gratitude.

08/04/2009 1359

Desolation

We hate forcing ourselves to let go of the person that we want in our lives. It's the only thing that is sensible, it's the same thing that complicates us.

We know that we're better off without that person, yet we feel empty whenever we try to let go. Nobody said it was easy.

We always abandon ourselves in the witherness to conceal our bereavements and illusions. Disintegrating our inclination to something we don't exactly know precedes to self deception.

As we gulp imperfections, our hungry possession grants continuous striving to catch a glimpse of factuality casted by the scenario we are into.

We tend to endure the hardships and the unworthiness of neglected reasons acquainted to us that we constantly exhibit versatility, but nothing we can do to perfectly safeguard our ego.

Is being sunken better than being anguish?

08/01/2009 1914