A Day in Manila City Hall

Last December 10, 2009 I got to Manila city hall at 1400 to undergo panel interview for my hospital application. It started at around 1600! And the sequence of this interview was arranged based on our surnames, so I was called at around 1830. We are all hungry and pissed off there. Long waits as expected. In here I saw the sad reality polluting government institution the smallest way they can:

1. Backer system- the one with a strong political connection surely wins a hand.
2. Unjust treatment- the interviewee herself called the one who is supposedly next to me, thrown questions are bias. From pulse sites, family planning to MI, parameters of NB screening, some are personal fact finding.
3. Irrelevancy- it goes from singing the Maynila song, significant places in Manila and other sort of health related picks.

No standardization of questions= non-reliable system.

Invisible barriers of power wrapped our waiting area. I don't hope for any possibilities of being hired, it is hard to compete with something you know you can't beat. Wherever we go public/private institution, we can encounter such SOP, under the table transactions are very much welcomed.

From Dr.Martin, Dr.Yson, Ms.Ingrid- lessons learned:
1. Speak out- have the courage to open up as long as your stance is justifiable.
2. Fight for the truth- mistakes covered has no way of being corrected.
3. Small act can mean big- writing a simple incident letter gives an eye.

I may not be chosen to be a government employee but I'm still afloat for having this positive outlook in life. Things I didn't anticipated during my previous training left a scar in my fragility. Learning for me should still be a pleasurable experience and should not leave any disappointment inside, to love a place where I can sharpen my skills called my second home.

12/23/2009 2000

Broken Promise

In spite of the painful fact that I'm just your nothing, I still believe you. Really? Since when things got better between us? It's the same old shit! I don't even know if you remember what you're saying and what you've promised. When you're gone, you're literally gone. My heart searches for you, and you're nowhere to be found. Attending to me only if you want to, what a selfish hag! Why can't you get lost forever instead of showing your spirit to me when I'm already getting the hang of your absence? This is a never ending vicious cycle thus I keep on entertaining your lies.

I tried to understand your unacceptable attitude but you showed me worthlessness. How much pain do you need to pour on your victims? I don't even question you for making a fool out of me when it is so obvious that your reasons are too irrational and absurd! I know sooner or later you will still receive your karma on every false word you say against me. One day in your life, everyone who cares for you genuinely will be gone. You can never be happy, and you don't deserve to be. Life does not revolve on you alone! I only hope that it won't be the end of everything yet when you decided to seek realization.

You gave me so much pain. I don't know why I like you so much and now I'm wishing this to be down on drain. My soul felt so uneasy the moment I saw you. This feeling I cant explain, feelings I thought I can overcome. An unreachable dream I can't put on my hand whatever I do. When would it be me? There is no possible answer. I secretly yearn for you, I must admit. For the nth time you left me hanging with uncertainties, borrowed moments started to drift away. Your silence slowly kills me. This shattered pieces of mine you choose not to mend will give you five folds of pain in return. Deep inside of me lies a shorter patience for you, up until when will you test me?

12/21/2009 1600