A Day in Manila City Hall

Last December 10, 2009 I got to Manila city hall at 1400 to undergo panel interview for my hospital application. It started at around 1600! And the sequence of this interview was arranged based on our surnames, so I was called at around 1830. We are all hungry and pissed off there. Long waits as expected. In here I saw the sad reality polluting government institution the smallest way they can:

1. Backer system- the one with a strong political connection surely wins a hand.
2. Unjust treatment- the interviewee herself called the one who is supposedly next to me, thrown questions are bias. From pulse sites, family planning to MI, parameters of NB screening, some are personal fact finding.
3. Irrelevancy- it goes from singing the Maynila song, significant places in Manila and other sort of health related picks.

No standardization of questions= non-reliable system.

Invisible barriers of power wrapped our waiting area. I don't hope for any possibilities of being hired, it is hard to compete with something you know you can't beat. Wherever we go public/private institution, we can encounter such SOP, under the table transactions are very much welcomed.

From Dr.Martin, Dr.Yson, Ms.Ingrid- lessons learned:
1. Speak out- have the courage to open up as long as your stance is justifiable.
2. Fight for the truth- mistakes covered has no way of being corrected.
3. Small act can mean big- writing a simple incident letter gives an eye.

I may not be chosen to be a government employee but I'm still afloat for having this positive outlook in life. Things I didn't anticipated during my previous training left a scar in my fragility. Learning for me should still be a pleasurable experience and should not leave any disappointment inside, to love a place where I can sharpen my skills called my second home.

12/23/2009 2000

Broken Promise

In spite of the painful fact that I'm just your nothing, I still believe you. Really? Since when things got better between us? It's the same old shit! I don't even know if you remember what you're saying and what you've promised. When you're gone, you're literally gone. My heart searches for you, and you're nowhere to be found. Attending to me only if you want to, what a selfish hag! Why can't you get lost forever instead of showing your spirit to me when I'm already getting the hang of your absence? This is a never ending vicious cycle thus I keep on entertaining your lies.

I tried to understand your unacceptable attitude but you showed me worthlessness. How much pain do you need to pour on your victims? I don't even question you for making a fool out of me when it is so obvious that your reasons are too irrational and absurd! I know sooner or later you will still receive your karma on every false word you say against me. One day in your life, everyone who cares for you genuinely will be gone. You can never be happy, and you don't deserve to be. Life does not revolve on you alone! I only hope that it won't be the end of everything yet when you decided to seek realization.

You gave me so much pain. I don't know why I like you so much and now I'm wishing this to be down on drain. My soul felt so uneasy the moment I saw you. This feeling I cant explain, feelings I thought I can overcome. An unreachable dream I can't put on my hand whatever I do. When would it be me? There is no possible answer. I secretly yearn for you, I must admit. For the nth time you left me hanging with uncertainties, borrowed moments started to drift away. Your silence slowly kills me. This shattered pieces of mine you choose not to mend will give you five folds of pain in return. Deep inside of me lies a shorter patience for you, up until when will you test me?

12/21/2009 1600

Stoned

In this cold starry night, I'm feeling forlorn

Hearing my weathered heart apparently torn

Where one cannot believe a word I mutter

Maybe wanting to lose myself for the better

I momentarily contemplate for this yearning

Knowing that I need not to prove anything

I'm so into this soul wrecking sensation

Accidentally planted like a pumping pain station

No one tried to desiccate my flowing tears

Wishing for some care that could solidly pierce

11/11/2009 1200

No Title

My soul is searching for your presence as I wait for you to cut off your hibernation. Fortunate not to see that other side of you but given proper indicated precautions. I sometimes notice sudden changes but I don't have the courage to ask.

Deep within I feel your delicate and bleeding contents, silence does not baffle me. My heart froze in pain but it won't stop beating. I'm fidgeting inside out. I don't even want to think of any reasons, all I wanted is to help you hunch better.

I know I always hurt you with my numbskull even if you don't say so. What pains you certainly pains me too, hearing self-accusations of worthlessness hurts. I realized that I can't just slip away as I walk past briskly.

Inevitable pang rushing all throughout my veins, it clogged and overpowered me. No matter how much tear I shed, it will never be enough to mend what I broke. Your choice, the consequences I don't know. I'm sorry.......

11/08/2009 0030

Time

I'm settling in a dreamland where everything is impossible, wanting to get enough of the few hours we spent together. In a speed of light, you're literally gone without me knowing when will you be back. You don't consider my feelings and I'm being out of scope. The last in your chick list I bet.

I just have to accept the fact that I'm your no one. Whatever I do, I will not own your heart. You know you're wanted so bad, I tried my very best to forget you and live my life in your absence. I asked but I don't get a response, you always leave me fragmented longing for that love. I don't want to be freed from your embrace as much as I can.

You broke your promise yet you denied, I can clearly see how inconsistent you are. You are still the same, nothing changed and things didn't got better as you reiterate it so as the stupid me to believe. I had so much pain to conquer hoping that my arduousity would take effect soon.

10/30/2009 1140
10/29/2009 2300-0030

You

Our congenial company is solitary.

It's an exceptional knack finding you.
We shared resembling substances in term.
No reality checks to discover our legitimacy.
I gratify myself from that delightful solicitude.
Everytime you're hidden my heart feels so wary.
Losing you will probably rend my essence.
I can't even show my considerable appreciation.
Now I'm down in dumps awaken by a bad dream.
Hoping that farewell will be soon enough.
10/28/2009 0130

Serenity

I want to be lost in a field of tranquility

Uncover happiness in your sterling branch

Gazing upon bundled diversifications

Seeking cure for my perplexed composure

Be living in a rough reality

To broaden the circuit verge I'm keeping

Make an implications of rational judgment

For the survival of worthy existence

10/25/2009 1530

Tunnel of Hope

Molested, abused and misused.

Harsh society need not to choose.

Gobbled whole at an abandoned quicksand.

Held bottomless by a black hand.

An innocent victim crying alone in agony.

Clanged between a doleful symphony.

Esoteric sweet lady gone blue.

No one has a clue.

Painful events appear unabatable.

Living seems to be impossible.

Rails of hope almost reach its terminal.

Life is still bidirectional.

10/23/2009 1500

Tormented

Loving limits my horizon to see the repercussions of my action. Start right the first time as everyone says, a mistake will always be a mistake. You can never correct an irreversible damage once done.

Surely I can have a good control as my brain is smarter than my heart. I locked it with him, but he wounded it. Emotions i felt held me back from what my life should be. I pushed myself away and stayed again for worst.

If you can only feel how arduous and broken I am detaining myself in your arms just to live in every false hope you disclosed. I can't blame myself for mistrusting you, what you threw does not equate with each other. I can't even feel your words and sincerity, you always fool me with that silver tongue of yours. My heart bleeds in quandary for what I am in your life is a big bone of contention.

10/23/2009 1300

Recycled Emotions

Countless painful events I buried in disappearance kept on haunting the breakable me. Its a ghost on my supposed to be "better days" allowing me to recognize how I deniably mislaid my true feelings.

A man of integrity need not fear the truth. His make believe stints forges me to be gullible. Does hurting and dehumanizing me makes him a better man? I know that my affinity for this guy is futile, still I stick to imbecility.

Cupid casted a love spell for me to impel on this skit with a wrong person. I was so corrupted by his unconventional trap. Option me is present but he declined. Up until now I'm indisposed, why can't he do the same for me? Why am I treated so bad? What's the real deal between us? So many questions banging inside my head.

Yes, I'm blissful in his banal company even if arrows of deception are directly hitting me. If only I could stop the time and stay with him as long as I can. Now that we caught up with our loss space, my premonition for the next events kept on knocking. A juncture where he will be nil for a long time, it shows that he is not investing anything for me. I really hate it and it breaks me into pieces.

Reused but never reduced, my heart is ravaged with irrationally self inflicted grief..because it is just me, an aspect with no worth for him deviously sailing with my blameless choice for the third time.

10/17/2009 2350

Treasure for Keeps

Not even an ideal relationship may be balanced but ours has no restrictions and limits. It's the real us that we show without expectations from each other, time and space distance has never been a problem for us.

You came into my life with no apparent reason, and blossomed like a divine act. If I will be clouded by the darkest moments and fail, I will still be standing on my feet with this hope you integrated beneath me. When I'm alone and scared, you gave me the most comfortable spot to repose.

I'm sorry if I had hurt you unintentionally in any way, you can always tell me and talk things out rather than hiding your feelings until they spew out when it can no longer be contained. It's not easy for me to recognize my blemishes by looking at the mirror. What pains you, pains me too.

You asked me before, but rolling the years back won't guarantee me finding you. I don't want to explore the past stumbling myself in dissapoinment without you. There is no one in my knowing who understands me like you do, when I'm with you my soul is always at ease. I'm so delighted that I found you.

I just can't find a way to tell how much you mean to me, I can't even thank you enough. I want you to know that you will always have this special place in my heart no matter what.

10/11/2009 0100

From a Distance

Lost in nowhere the world looks blue,

what place you're in, no one has a clue.

Mountains can hear the sound of an echo,

soaring in the air like a flying gecko.

Conveying a vague hope,

suggests an opportunity to cope.

While procuring enough,

does not mould a marshmallow fluff.

In the presence of harmonious hand,

erupts an intermediary that was never planned.

Miles away beamed a bright light,

affirming everything will be alright.

Halting with once was stranger clasped safety,

that recaptures being worry free.

Rescued in a place where there is no sunshine,

is certainly an oblivious sign.

An angel in disguise who saved,

possesses virtuosity dissimilar to an old knave.

10/01/2009 1915

Calamity Strikes

Who knows that there is an Ondoy typhoon signal #1 attacking Manila today (09/26/09)? I must have trembled to find myself alone amidst heavy rain. Like a shrivelled trash, no where to go, I felt so lost. The cold breeze that touches my damp skin makes it harder for me to calm down. Fields of people sank as we were stuck at the river roads.

My first time being stranded was terrible. Honestly, I don't know what to expect nor feel but this is not how the story goes. I am one of the luckiest gal on earth who was saved in this horrible situation by an angel in disguise. Where one can feel so helpless, I am guarded and accompanied no matter what. Thank you very much, this firsts will always be memorable to me.

09/28/2009 1524

Woes

If things are getting special, it gets confusing if everything is going authentic. A single lie discovered is enough to create a contagious doubt over every truth expressed.

Love hurts. Who says time heals? You don't get over the pain, you just learn to get along with it and live with it through time.

Make your absence felt in such a way that somebody misses you, but let not your absence be so long that somebody starts learning to live without you. I cannot hold on too long to what is never meant. Sometimes, I had to set things free before it hurts badly.

09/24/2009 1015

Getting Old

Damsel in distress is getting a year older.

Starts wrinkling but needs to accept the fact.

Prohibited to stay pretty at all times.

An unselfish act that gives others a chance.

Eminence diverted to more important matter.

Prospects are definitely unpredictable.

Ahead lies a bigger responsibility.

Facing the realism of life is an ultimatum.

Yet ground battling allows one to subsist.

Harking back recollections commemorate it.

The person who shared deserves acknowledgement.

Thus keeping the individual merits.

A fraction that might cross journeys together.

Sharing until the end of time.

09/24/2009 0845

Pusong Umiibig

Batid nga ng nakararami'y hindi natuturuan ang puso.

Nagmahal ng tapat subalit hindi nasuklian.

Alam na ang tinatahak ngunit ipinilit pa rin.

Nariyan ang kaguluhang hindi nareresolba.

Pangyayaring paulit-ulit na walang patutunguhan.

Umaasa sa bawat salitang isinambit.

Pinagkaitan ng panahon.

Nasaktan ng todo at nagpatawad.

Hanggang kailan kaya kayang maghintay.

09/23/2009 1857 (Biostatistics Class)

The Gift

I opened my box, I found nothing.

I left it, and was filled without me knowing.

This gift has no monetary worth.

Thus counting costly in my heart.

There was you who brighten up my day.

There was you who took my woes away.

There was you who cares for me genuinely.

There was you who stayed with me solely.

My world would not be better without you around.

Now, I am feeling safe and sound.

09/17/2009 2330

Sleepless Nights

09/08/2009 0010

She hates the time before she goes to sleep, it's where the unavoidable starts to linger.. The second package with everything in it gave her all.. Doesn't demand nor starts a fight.. Doesn't play.. Loves deeply..

Many times she tried to forget him.. Lost her heart when he unintentionally wounded her.. She's starting to live with her own until he approached and appologized.. Now, she's trapped with this emotional bait again..

She cried, he gave her options to chose from.. She stayed and won't regret for doing so.. She's drowned in deep agony as he try to "rescue" her.. She followed her intuitions.. Stupidity in other's view.. She can control her feelings.. She just can't teach her heart..

Using his silver tongue.. He still wanted her to stay.. No time and effort allocated for her.. Is he really redeeming himself?
Action speaks louder than words.. If she is really important.. Find ways.. If not.. What else she is waiting for? A renewable heartache?

It's not wrong to be nice.. Learn to be true to those who are entitled so you won't end up being betrayed..

Unveiling Emanation

I gave my all entertaining the rough patches of this course just to lose everything. Miserable me being with someone who is half-baked about me, half-in? half-out?

Find somebody who wants me as much as I want him. Anything short of fiercly definite is a waste of time. Easier said than done.

Sometimes, I just have to try not to care no matter how much I do rather than to admit it's killing me. I can mean nothing to someone who means everything to me. It's not pride, it's called self respect.

Missing the person whom I used to laugh with, whom I turned to, whom sprinkled me with importance. Doubts springing..

• He likes me enough to take it up a certain level, but not enough to actually profess a formal romantic relationship. It's hard to pretend that I don't mind. I still don't have a counterpart.
• He likes the flirting and the attention, but he wouldn't want to be tied up. It's a painful fact that happens all the time.
• He fools around that he won't risk exposing his true feelings. I am sufficiently wounded to discern.
• He is connecting deeply to see who I am, but adequately shallow to back out. Letting me feel that excrutiating pain I don't deserve.
• He casted magical spells on me which lead me to this devastating agitation, yet I got my heart back from him. I am wallowing in a pit of unrequited love.
• He pursued me, and yet branded me as desperate. Society is really harsh. I never stopped loving him, I just stopped showing it.
• He has somebody else, and I am not that somebody. Your loss, my hurt. It's better if he didn't recognized my existence than giving me no worth.
• He was considered extra special, but I am taken for granted. It's like he think I won't ever change, failing to realize that like everyone else I get queasy and tired.
• He has gotten cold with me, he has changed his mind. I am still love sick, buried deep down with this emotion.
• He let the axe fall with the other girls, including me. Cruel, but happens more often than I think. Goodbye to my broken heart.
• He handled anyone with tender loving care, mending anything broken. Unfortunately I am left unattended, and untreated.
• He disected my personality much closer, yet the attraction demised naturally. Post-mortem care not rendered. I am fragile.
• He gave false hope when I need to know. So much of it, but this is the only way to take all the guesswork out of the equation. Candid honesty please.
• He can always tell lies. Believing every word he blasts, will I know? Face the mirror wearing your conscience.
• He left me hanging and moves as if nothing had come to pass. Sensitivity and trust issues arise from the apex of my heart.
• He neglected my effort to keep in touch. It's not all the time I can hold on, I can wear off anytime.
• He protected his brain with barrier to prevent the aliens from zapping it to dislike all other female earthlings alive. So I presume I am included in his "all female earthling like list."
• He sets off corny punchlines to make me smile. Deep within I lament. Yes I do, I cannot mask what I feel inside.
• He made me feel special, but not anymore. Now I am yearning.
• He downpoured me with time and attention, and it rapidly vanished like a thunder strike. Analogous to him flushing me away.
• He showed kindness, but he might have other agenda. Everything has limitations, cannot torture myself that long, eventually I might disappear.

08/27/2009 1600

Simple Lessons in Life

CORALINE

Be contented.

Appreciate minute things.

Love your parents rather than hating them.

Give importance to whatever you have.

Don't wait until you lose them all.

End product is regret.

You cannot have everything you want.

Live life to the fullest.

Simplicity is happiness.

Greed is a misery.

What is done is done.

No rewinds.

Change bad to goodies.

UP- Disney, Pixar

Promises aren't made to be broken.

Dreams are to be fulfilled no matter what.

Explore new ways.

Be a wilderness explorer.

Don't underestimate anyone.

Value your loved ones.

Establish trust and be loyal.

Make them happy.

Nothing is permanent in this world.

Journeys change.

Accept others.

Help.

08/25/2009 1146

To The One Who Made My Eulogy

On my necrological service...

Someone I value gave me a eulogy: "Gly was a masochist, and she liked it. She knew what was coming to her but she didn't heed the signs. Now that she's raodkilled, let's hope it was in ecstacy." (08/08/2009 1825)

Now, this one is for you..

"When we share wee breaks and puffs it's a good time. When we share laughters that's twice the fun. When we share problems that's half the pain. When we share resentments it gives voice to our sentiments. When we share tears we lessen our sorrows. When we share idleness it's where our souls rest. When we share secrets it's what our heart reveals. What draws us closer and make us care for each other is not what we have but what we share."

Time doesn't really matter at all. Whirlwhind connection eh..

"Thank you.." Still find my words empty?

08/16/2009 1644

The Future Cardiologist

Actually I don't care who he is too, I just want to check out who wrote that ooooh so refined penmanship. I really kept in mind the name of its owner. I pried so I'm aware who he is.

Whenever I see this guy in our workplace there is a wall of hindrances slapping me, I don't even know if he'll smile back or he'll just hurt my charming factor. But I did still try my luck to at least greet this not so amicable guy as a sign of respect since I already noticed him.

I find him mysterious, my intuition knows that there is something with this guy. Why would someone with tribal stuffs be so silent? That's way too impossible.

To my surprise, he added my facebook. How come he knew me!? I didn't even introduced myself to him, we barely talk too. Hmmmmm...I don't know! Nothing to encript! The rest is a history.

We became friends, shared lots of similar things and gained each other's trust in a swift. I wasn't wrong at all, there is so much to know about this guy, definitely not the boring one, the eccentric one, and the insensitive one that he always brags about. People just don't know how to appreciate the real him.

To have this connection and closeness with him, I never presumed this to happen. Maybe he was sent by God, for whatever purposes it might be.

Thank you for staying abreast, for understanding me, for hearing me out.....for everything....

08/05/2009 2225

Failing to Hit

To spend time searching for that missing piece in our lives that we think can make us complete does not mean it will be a perfect fit. No matter how we move heaven and earth we can never know.

They say that you don't seek for it. We neglect other's effort just to hold on to that person we like. Staying with someone you love even if you know it's better letting go is like standing under the rain, it feels good but you know it's going to make you sick.

Their irrational self-centered act grant them the key to hold on. Loss treasure, destiny permits them to do their part, it's not always about them. Chances are rarely given as waiting till doomsday is outrageous.

Out of the ordinary, it's not what you say or do that really matters, it's what you don't. Hearing nonsense declarations deserves no gratitude.

08/04/2009 1359

Desolation

We hate forcing ourselves to let go of the person that we want in our lives. It's the only thing that is sensible, it's the same thing that complicates us.

We know that we're better off without that person, yet we feel empty whenever we try to let go. Nobody said it was easy.

We always abandon ourselves in the witherness to conceal our bereavements and illusions. Disintegrating our inclination to something we don't exactly know precedes to self deception.

As we gulp imperfections, our hungry possession grants continuous striving to catch a glimpse of factuality casted by the scenario we are into.

We tend to endure the hardships and the unworthiness of neglected reasons acquainted to us that we constantly exhibit versatility, but nothing we can do to perfectly safeguard our ego.

Is being sunken better than being anguish?

08/01/2009 1914

Diorama

The countenance of life is a matter of choice. We often find ourselves exhausting all the possible means to gratify our ambitious desire.

Destiny? We decided on the path we are strolling through and yet we blame others for our crooked trails as we fail.

Everything happens for a reason. Reasons we don't want to accept, reasons we don't want to see, reasons that may teach us valuable lessons, reasons that may let us realize the true substance of living..

Giving rather than receiving is a valorous act not anyone can do. Existing for others is a course of individual human fragments called sharing.

07/28/2009 1425

Masalimuot na Buhay

Ano nga ba ang naghihintay sa akin sa mundong ito? Mahaba-haba nanaman ang aking tatahaking landas upang malagpasan ang hagupit ng buhay.

Balot ng pag-aalala at matinding pag-hihignapis sa maraming bagay, ang pag-usad ko ay parang napakaimposible.

Minsang naglakad ako sa dilim ay nakainggitan ko ang mga batang paslit. Sila ay napakainosente, problema'y tinatawanan lamang, masaya sa kung anong mayroon sila.

Pag sulyap ko naman sa mga tala sa langit, wala pa ring pag-asang umusbong at kuminang sa puso ko. Hanggang kailan ko magiging kaakibat ang paglulumbay?

07/28/2009 1059

Pretending

All of us tries to hide our real feelings and use it as an escape goat. To act as if everything's seem ok, making others believe that it is the case even if it is not. Are we really that afraid to show off our true color? To live in a world full of lies. Is this a part of our life that can falsibly make us contented? But veritably cuts deep.

Sometimes desiring a limbic system weir is not as bad, impossible but it could regulate our feelings well as it modulate the flow of the river. We knew it will leave nowhere, futile and yet we still opt to stick to what we think could make us blissful. We roar with laughter but no one sees our gloomy side. We attempt to understand circumstances and actions shown to us but we frantically cannot. We mask our tormented facet just to show that certain person that we are not affected. Acting like a brave hero but truly a coward inside.

Controlling hurdles is almost beyond bounds. Falling into the pit of depression rots our interior, it vigilantly alters our sentiment. We cannot simply shake off those blues as we wish. We must learn to live with it.

Can we really love without asking anything in return? Fighting and waiting for that weeny chance, savouring every moment you had with that special someone without stipulating, unrequited yet still sacrificing and giving your all. Inspite of the emotional agony we are into, spontaneous events in our everyday life can depict something we don't want to anticipate.

We can never teach our hearts, we can never muffle what we feel. Maybe it is worth the pain, just maybe..

07/27/2009 1045

Searching

Life has it's own way of making us smile even if you want to give up and lose hope.

Sometimes, we put too much passion on the biggest dreams and priorities in life that we fail to love the smallest pleasures from simple things.

We search so much for the right choices, for the right paths to walk through, for the right reasons.

But life isn't about searching for the things that can be found. It's all about letting the unexpected happen and finding the things you never searched for.

God's blessing may come as a surprise, how much you receive depends on how much your heart can believe.

07/24/2009 1515

Veneer

We always want to give others the best we had, to comfort them, to hear their sorrows, to check whether they're all safely and warmly tucked in their beds. Along the way, you might brighten up someone's day.

I casted myself to the pool of life where I meet different kinds of people. Hoping to be picked up by those caring hands someday.

Living in my own shattered crumpled world devours all the sensitivity in me, to smile is still something I have to do for other's sake.

My abandoned solitude mearly strikes other's attention, it is when you're alone you hear the real you. Sometimes words are not enough to express how you feel, most of the time you just want to be dispersed in the air and just vanish.

Behind that nurturing exterior is a wounded soul and a lonely heart trying to conquer her own battle longing for some love and affection from anyone.

07/24/2009 1408

Life on a Train- From Anonymous

Life is like a train ride. We get on, we ride, we get off, we get back on and ride some more. There are accidents and there are delays. At certain stops there are surprises.

Some of these will translate into great moments of joy, some will result in profound sorrow.

When we were born, and we first board the train, we meet people whom we think will be with us in our entire journey. Those people are our parents.

Sadly this is far from the truth. Our parents are with us for as long as we absolutely need them. They too have their own journeys to complete. We live on with the memories of their love , affection, friendship, guidance, and their ever presence.

There are others who board the train and who eventually become very important to us in turn.These people are our brothers, sisters, friends, acquaintances whom we will learn to love and cherish.

Some people consider their journey like a jaunty tour. They will just go merrily along. Others will encounter many upsets, tears and losses on their journey. Others will still linger on to offer a helping hand to anyone in need.

Some people on the train will leave an everlasting impression when they get off, some will scarsely leave a sign that they ever travelled along with you or even crossed your path.

We will sometimes be upset that some passengers whom we loved will choose to sit in another compartment and leave us to travel on our own. But nothing says we cannot seek them out again. Nevertheless, once sought out and found we may not even be able to sit next to them because that seat will be already taken.

That's okay..Everyone's journey will be filled with hopes, dreams, challenges, setbacks, and goodbyes. We must struggle to make the best of it no matter what. We must constantly strive to understand our travel companions and look for the best in everyone.

Any moment during our journey, one of our travel companions can have a weak moment and be in need of our help. We too may hesitate, even trip.. Hopefully we can count on someone being there to support and understand.

The bigger mystery of our journey is that we don't know when our last stop will come, not even those sitting in the seat next to us.

It is sad to make your final stop and those separation you made during the train ride will be painful. Leaving all those you're close, and meeting them again at the main station.

Just be glad you've contributed to their baggage and have enriched their lives as much as they contributed to your baggae and enriched your life.

We're all on this train ride together. We should all try to make this ride as pleasant and memorable as we can, right up until we each make our final stop and leave the train for the last time.

Why?

Why are some people like that?

There are times they will make you feel how important you are to them, lets you feel how special you are, and how you are loved..

Yet they slowly drift away without any notice, never hearing from them again.

And since you believed every single word they said.. You are left shattered, confused, and hurt.

07/24/2009 1250

Turmoil

It's harmless to be with the person who has that special spark for you. Laugh around, flirt a little. After all, there's no committment involved. It's actually fun if fun is really all you're after.

But when love strikes, it's unforgiving. Sometimes in order not to fall apart, you have to let go of what keeps you together.

Right now I am emotionally labile,, Frantically afraid,, Crying out for uncertainties,, Abiding for nothing,, Blinded by fictitious happiness,, Do I really need to make a fool out of my self?

The only reason why I felt this bad is because I felt something really good before. I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I am feeling right now is a beautiful sadness.

07/23/2009 1959

To Someone Special

Once thought to be a conducive venue for learning, faith has hovered my way to a place I barely know. Everyday doleful in this horrid institution aggravated my desolated world and hefty heart. I had no one. Being lonesome, insanity almost embraced me.

My grief-stricken life ended when I accidentally bumped into this typical guy, subsequently realizing that he is notably exceptional and not just a "typical one".

As days elapse, I started to catch a glimpse of his exquisiteness. This time I was stunned.

Giggling, teasing, crazy conversations.... Not in time I foreseen that I will suit his dispositions.

Unexpectedly captivated with his distinct appeal and unique individuality. Amidst the throng he still stands out, feasting my eyes on him by any chance.

Obstacles, hindrances, and time constraints wrapped me against him. Without any assurance of his existence, up until when? Who knows.. still I resort to hold on to this guy. He were in my life for a reason, thus I welcome him into my heart. It's not how short or long he'll stay.. The point is.. he came. If I am meant to be cut into pieces, let it be.

I patiently waited for someone like him, grasping this opportunity to be happy even at one point in my life. I didn't dropped any hint, I swear, it just happened. I am so blessed and fortunate to be chosen.

Splendid, excemplary. I really like the way he respect and treat me. His natural unembellished manner of letting me feel how special I am knocked my fragility. Straightaway, I'm feeling ecstatic.

Pensively deranged with the mere thoughts of the indisputably irresistible him can rock my world and affix a nice smile on my face.

Now that I found, I'd keep him and take good care of him, cherishing every enchanting moment I had with this special someone forever.

Thank you very much.

07/23/2009 1858

Bitter Reality

In this cold dark night, my soul is wandering out in the bitterness, wishing that each day will be as good as new. Days passed, still.. the emptiness inside me is slowly killing me.

Your actions shown I cannot accurately interpret drags me into a miserable pit of burden.

Confusion nearly embeds my sanity, my severed heart and tormented fragility hushfully longs for that magical feeling you unwrapped with me.

07/23/2009 1530